时间:2024-07-05 07:33:15 瑞文头条 我要投稿
  • 相关推荐





  (此文节选自:Dr. Joyce Brothers的《Why We Love Who We Love 》)

  Have you ever known a married couple that just didn't seem as though they should fit together--yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can't figure out why?

  I know of one couple: He is a burly ex-athlete who, in addition to being a successful salesman, coached Little League, was active in his Rotary Club and played golf every Saturday with friends. Meanwhile, his wife is petite, quiet and a complete homebody. She doesn't even like to go out to dinner.

  What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person, while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer?

  Of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate, one of the most telling, according to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, is what he calls our 'lovemap'--a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it's the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type.

  In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our lovemap. And this lovemap is largely determined in childhood. By age eight, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.

  When I lecture, I often ask couples in the audience what drew them to their dates or mates. Answers range from 'She's strong and independent' and 'I go for redheads' to 'I love his sense of humor' and 'That crooked smile, that's what did it.'

  I believe what they say. But I also know that if I were to ask those same men and women to describe their mothers, there would be many similarities between their ideal mates and their moms. Yes, our mothers--the first real love of our lives--write a significant portion of our lovemap.

  When we're little, our mother is the center of our attention, and we are the center of hers. So our mother's characteristics leave an indelible impression, and we are forever after attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates.

  The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about women in general. So if she is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that's the way women are. They will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house.

  Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting, may raise a man who becomes a 'dance-away lover.' Because he's been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.

  While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, it's the father--the first male in our lives--who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children's personalities and chances of marital happiness.

  Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive.


  Love Means Putting The Other One First 爱意味着把对方放第一位

  As a teenager I had certain ideas in my mind that constituted the idyllic life of love and marriage. In Home Economics, our teacher had us plan the perfect wedding and the perfect reception, right down to the throwing of rice and driving away in a limousine. It was just like the movies where the nice guy gets the beautiful girl and they live happily ever after. Reality was not a part of the picture.

  还是十几岁的少女时,我脑子里对爱情与婚姻所想像的是情画意般的生活。在家政学课上,老师让我们设计理想的婚礼、理想的婚庆招待会 ,一直到撒大米、新郎新娘开着豪华轿车缓缓离去。这就像中俊男靓女终成眷属,他们从此幸福地生活在一起。但现实可不是如此。

  ?After high school, I went to college and was determined to ome a nurse. I forgot about marriage. I could put that on hold since I was going to help people and travel. Surprisingly, two years later I met the man I would marry. It's often said, " opposites attract." This was really true about us.

  高中毕业后,我上了大学,立志要做一名护士。我把婚姻抛在了脑后。我暂不考虑结婚,因为我要帮助他人,我要周游四方。令人惊奇的是, 两年后我遇到了我要嫁的男人。常常有人说,"对立物互相吸引。"我们俩就是这么回事。

  He was from a small town in Idaho and farmed with his father. I was from a Southern town, which had a ater population than the entire state of Idaho. I had always been emphatic that I didn't know whom I would marry, but one thing was for sure --he would not be a farmer or dairyman! Well, I was wrong in both cases. They were not only farmers but dairymen as well.

  他爱达荷州的一个小镇,和他父亲一起经营农场。我南方的一个城镇,那里的人口比整个爱达荷州的总人口都多。我一直都是态 度坚决地表明我不知道要嫁给什么样的男人,但有一点是肯定无疑的--他不会是务农的或养乳牛的!但是结果我都错了。我遇到的这个男人和 他父亲既耕作也养牛。

  We were married in October just prior to the beginning of heavy snowfalls. It would snow heavily throughout the whole winter. Our only entertainment was listening to the radio or the local high school sporting events. My new husband was a lover of sports. He had been a champion boxer and also participated in most sports. I was a lover of the arts. Speech, drama and dance were my first love. The nearest town with this kind of entertainment was forty miles away and the highway was closed off and on1 all winter.

  我们在10月结了婚,就在大雪迫近之际。大雪会下一冬天。我们惟一的娱乐就是听收音机或观看当地比赛。我新婚的丈夫是个体 育爱好者。他曾是拳击冠军,也参加过很多种活动。而我是个艺术迷。、戏剧、舞蹈是我的`挚爱。有这类艺术活动的城镇,最近的离 我们也有40英里,而高速公路在整个冬天是时而封闭时而开放的。

  We had only been married seven months when I received word that my mother, who was battling cancer, would not live much longer. Even though there was the dairy with 75 cows and 1400 acres to farm, as soon as my husband read the telegram, he sadly said, " Honey, get your bags packed while I make reservations for you. Your place is with your mother and your father right now." To him there had been no other decision to make. Every week I would receive a letter telling me all about how the farm was doing and inquiring about my parents and how we were all doing. Little was said about his sadness of being alone, or of missing his new bride, except at the very end of his letters where an unmistakable " I love you" was written. Teenage dream letters would have been filled with remarks of undying love and pain of missing me, but his letters were simple words of reality.

  在我们结婚仅7个月的时候,我得到消息:我母亲在与癌症作抗争,恐怕活不了多久了。尽管有75头牛和1400亩地要照顾,但我丈夫读完电 报就悲伤地说:"亲爱的,我去给你订票,你收拾好行李。你现在是该和你父母在一起。"对于他来说没有什么别的决定可作。每周我会收到他 的来信,告诉我农场的情况,并询问我父母如何,我们全家人怎么样。他很少流露他孤独一人的悲伤,或他如何思念他的新婚妻子,只是在每 封信的结尾都清楚无误地写了"我爱你"。我十几岁时想像的梦中情书应该满纸都是诉说永恒的爱和思念我的痛苦,但是我丈夫的信就是简简单 单描述现实生活的几行字。

  Four months later, after the funeral and final matters were taken care of with my father and brother, I returned to Idaho where I knew my husband would be at the airport to meet me.

  4个月后,举行完葬礼,在和我父亲与兄弟一同落实了最后事宜之后,我返回爱达荷州。我知道我丈夫会到机场来 接我。

  The look in his eyes told me more than any dream letter could. The joy and honesty of love was deep. On the 80-mile drive to our home, I talked incessantly while he quietly listened, without interrupting. When he finally had a chance to respond, he asked me to open the glove compartment of the car and take out an envelope with my name on it. " I wanted to give you something special to let you know how much I missed you," he said quietly.

  他的眼神告诉我的远比任何梦中情书所能写的还要多,充满了深切的爱的喜悦和诚挚。在开车80英里回我们家的路上,我不停地说这说那 ,而他只是静静地听着,并不打断我的话。当他终于有机会讲话时,他叫我打开汽车仪表板上的储物箱,拿出上面写有我名字的一个信封。"我 想给你一样特别的东西,让你知道我有多么想你,"他平静地说。

  I opened the envelope to find season tickets, for both of us, to all of the area's fine art functions. Our income was not all that at and I was stunned. " I don't believe this," I cried. " You don't enjoy these things!"

  我打开信封,发现里面有不少季节门票,是我们两人的,是去参加该地区所有艺术活动的门票。我们的收入还没到那个水平,我真是惊呆 了。"我不相信,"我哭着说,"你并不喜欢这些东西!" "

  When I finally stopped protesting, he reached out, hugged me and quietly said, " No, but you do, and I will learn." In that moment I realized marriage wasn't 50/50, but real love was made of 100/0 sometimes. Love means putting the other one

  first. His example taught his young wife a at lesson--a lesson that has made a happy marriage for 51 years.



  Life Is A DIY Project

  An elderly carpenter was ready to retire.He told his employer contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire.They could get by.

  The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor.The carpenter said Yes,but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work.He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials.

  It was an unfortunate way to end his career.When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front door key to the carpenter." This is your house," He said," My gift to you."

  What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house,he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well! So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built. If we had realized that we would have done it differently.

  Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely. It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity. The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project." Who could say it more clearly? Your life today is the result of your attitudes and the choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.







英语美文中的优美句子摘抄 英语美文和美句摘抄有哪些?11-14