What are we going to learn?（目标篇）
1.重点词汇
interrupt apologi(z)se fault introduce apology forgive culture manner(s) impression toast behave napkin roll dessert unfold lap damp cloth custom starter pray course breast flesh bone raise advice spirit impolite mix wing extra childhood stare disabled
2.重点词组
Leave out stare at make jokes about sb
3.交际用语
(1) 道歉与致谢
Excuse me.
Forgive me.
I’m (very / so / terribly) sorry. That’s all right. / That’s Ok. / No problem.
I apologise for … Oh, well, that’s life.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to …
Oops. Sorry about that.
Thank you. It’s beautiful.
4.语法难点
定语从句（3）
1. 能够用英语描述人物、事件、时间、地点、原因等 --使用限制性定语从句：
I spent the whole afternoon with the teacher who was very helpful.
2. 能够用英语对特定的人物、事件、时间、地点等做补充说明 -- 使用非限制性定语从句：
I spent the whole afternoon with the teacher, which was helpful.
5.话题
1. Learn about good table manners
2. Learn to make apology
3. Learn to express your gratitude
4. Make a contrast study on table manners in Chinese and Western cultures
5. Be a student with good manners
Tell Me More!（背景篇）
American Table Manners
The Role of Manners?
There is not much call for a complete working knowledge of table manners in America today. Many families only gather all at once around the dinner table at holiday feasts, and most restaurants are too casual to require, or even to allow for, more than basic good table manners. If, having dropped, a diner at a bistro were to attempt to practice proper etiquette by signaling a member of the staff to bring a fresh one, he would probably have to do without a napkin at all. Try as he might to make eye contact and indicate the nature of the problem with a subtle wiggle of the eyebrow and downward flicker of the glance, he is likely to succeed only in causing his date to think he is making a play for the server. Although strict good manners forbid placing a used eating utensil back on the table, the server removing a plate on which a fork has quite properly been positioned "pointing at 11 o'clock" might just plop that item back where it started, making more of a clatter than if the diner had simply done it herself.
From time to time -- perhaps at an important business dinner, a romantic date at an expensive restaurant, or a first dinner with the family of the person who may be "the One" -- it is necessary to display a more sophisticated knowledge of table etiquette. This is not difficult, once you have mastered the basics. Anyone armed with this core knowledge and the ability to adapt smoothly to the situation at hand will be able to handle even the most formal event. The goal is not, after all, to demonstrate utter mastery of the most arcane details of etiquette (which would be quite difficult considering the wide variations of customs in different cultures and from generation to generation), but rather to behave with graciousness and at the table.
Mastering the Basics
Much of the difficulty encountered in learning table manners derives from the struggle to
master the ritual handling of the various tools involved. In order to display the right social veneer, it is necessary to sit at the table with elegant ease and wield the utensils with aplomb. The diner who leaves the napkin folded on his plate until it obstructs the placement of his appetizer plate reveals his lack of training. The dinner party guest who observes with dismay the array of flatware on either side of her plate, need only take the time to learn the simple secret to the plan. There are, of course, a few tips and pitfalls to be aware of, as well as the occasional surprising item you can eat with your hands. Here is a quick guide which will help steer you through even the most formal of occassions.
Table Manners for a Typical Evening Meal
1. Sit - the host will tell you where to sit, or you ask.
2. Wait for others to start eating. Many homes will pray first.
3. Family style meal - food is passed to the right.
4. Try a little of everything - do not take a Lot of anything.
5. If you do not want something, just pass it on; You do not need to say anything. If they ask, say, "It looks good, but I think I won't have any thank you."
6. Keep the table and table-cloth as clean as possible. Do not put bones or anything on the table. Things that are not eaten should be put on your plate.
7. Do not spit anything out. If there is something in your mouth that you cannot swallow, quietly put it in your paper napkin and then go on (e.g. bones, seeds, etc.)
8. Do not talk with food in your mouth! Wait until you have swallowed everything before talking.
9. Burping - don't!! It is considered rude.
10. Slurping - don't!! Drinking soup or eating noodles - be quiet.
11. When food is passed to you say, "Thank You."
12. When you would like more of some food and it is not right in front of you, say, "Please pass the green beans."
13. Do not reach across the table or in front of someone to get something - that is rude. Ask them to pass it to you.
14. If you need to leave the table to go to the bathroom or do something, say, "Excuse me for a moment, please."
15. If your hostess wants to serve you but you don't want to eat it, say, "Thank you. It looks very good, but I'm not quite used to American food yet. Maybe next time, thanks."
16. Meals are to be slow, pleasant, leisurely times. Enjoy your food, but talk too.
17. Watch how fast others are eating. Try not to be too slow or too fast - keep up with their pace.
18. When you are finished eating, say "What a delicious meal! Thank you so much." Wait for all to be finished before leaving the table.
19. Do not touch your nose, hair or teeth at the table.
20. Toothpicks - are not usually on the table in a home. After the meal, go to the bathroom and clean your teeth if you need to. In restaurants, they are usually at the counter where you pay as you go out. Again, it is best to clean your teeth in the bathroom.
Key Points（知识篇）
1. People who go to a formal Western dinner party for the first time may be surprised by table manners in Western culture.
Quiz
(1) _________ I went to Zhangjiajie, I was shocked by its beauty. I’d say it was the most beautiful place I saw _________.
A. The first time; for the first time B. For the first time; the first time
C. The first time when; at first D. first time; for first time
(2) I thought her nice and honest _________ I met her
A. first time B. for the first time C. the first time D. by the first time
Rules
for the first time: “第一次，首次”，介词短语作时间状语，表示有生以来第一次做某事。例如：
At the age of 20 he left his own village for the first time.他在二十岁时才第一次离开村子。
The old lady traveled by air for the first time. 这位老太太是第一乘飞机旅行。
注意比较：the first time: “首次，第一次”，连接词引导时间状语从句，以突出另一个动作。例如：
The first time he came to Chongqing, he liked the landscape here at once. 他一到重庆就喜欢上了这里的景色。
The first time I met him, I knew we would be friends. 我第一次见到他，就明白我们将成为朋友。2. Knowing them will help you make a good impression.
Quiz
(1) What worried the child most was _________ to visit his mother in the hospital.
A. his not allowing B. his not being allowed
C. his being not allowed D. having not been allowed
(2) While shopping, people sometimes can’t help ___________ into buying something they don’t really need.
A. to persuade B. persuading C. being persuaded D. be persuaded
Rules
1) knowing them在句子中作主语。英语中动词-ing短语可以充当主语、宾语或表语，用法上相当于一个名词，但动词的-ing 形式仍然可以有自己的宾语和状语等成分，knowing them中them就是knowing 的宾语，但整个短语作主语。例如：
Reading good books makes us happy. 读好书使我们觉得幸福。
It is said that walking on the moon is more difficult. 据说在月球上行走更难。
They started working hard to build a new bridge. 为了修一座新桥，他们开始辛勤劳动。
Her job is teaching. 她的工作是教书
2) impression: 印象；感觉；想法
What he said made a deep impression on us. 他说的话给我们留下了深刻印象。
Usually, when we see or talk to a person we have an impression of this person. 当看见一个人或者与一个人交谈的时候，我们通常会对这个人有印象。
I was under the impression that you were coming tomorrow.我以为你明天才来呢。
3. Having good table manners means knowing, for example, how to use knives and forks, when to drink a toast and how to behave at the table.
Quiz
(1) That he meant ______ me means ______ me was his wish.
A. to help; to help B. helping; helping C. to help; helping D. to help; help
(2) I meant ________ her some help, which means ______ her is my wish.
A. giving; helping B. to give; helping C. /; to help D. giving; to help
(3) I ____________ over to help, but was prevented from doing so.
A. had meant coming B. had meant to come C. have meant coming D. have meant to come
Rules
mean: vt. “意味着，意思是；意欲，打算”。表“意味着，意思是”时后面接名词或动词的-ing形式；表“意欲，打算”时后面接不定式。另外mean, hope, plan, expect, intend, suppose, want, think等动词有时用过去完成时表示一个本来打算做而未做，曾经设想而为实现的事。例如：
What does this sentence mean? 这句话是什么意思？
To raise wage means increasing purchasing power. 增加工资意味着增加购买力。
I mean to go, but my father would not allow me to. 我想去，但是我父亲不肯让我去。
We had meant to catch 7:30 train, but we missed it. 我们原想坐7:30的火车，但未及时赶到。
I had hoped to meet the famous singer at the party, but didn’t. 我本指望在聚会上见到那个著名歌手，但未能如愿。
I had thought that he had died at least twenty years ago. 我原以为他至少死了20年。
4. The knife and fork that are closest to your plate a little bit bigger than the ones beside them.
Rules
1. be close to sth. 离……近
Our house is close to the bus stop. 我们家离汽车站很近。
The two boys are close to each other in height. 这两个孩子差不多高。
2. a little bit: 一点
Won’t you stay just a little bit longer? 你再多呆点时间好吗？
5. In China, you sometimes get a hot, damp cloth to clean your face and hands, which, however, is not the custom in Western countries.
Quiz
(1) Helen is much more kind to her youngest child than to the others, ______, of course, makes the others unhappy.
A. who B. which C. she D. that.
(2) Beijing government puts more than 700 million yuan to increase its green space this year, ________ doubles the money provided last year.
A. as B. while C. that D. which
(3) The Chinese government has decided to develop the west of China, ________, I dare say, will benefit the people there, especially those who are still leading a poor life.
A. what B. whatever C. which D. as
Rules
1） 这是一个含有由关系代词which引导的非限制性定语从句的复合句。句中which 代表整个主句的内容。例如：
She was late for school again, which made the teacher angry. 她又迟到了，这使得老师很生气 。
The young writer has written quite a few books now, which his teachers and parents didn’t expect. 那位小作家已经写了好几本书了，这是他的老师和家长都没有预料到的。
2）custom: “习惯, 风俗”。可数名词，主要指一个地区或国家许多人共同的习俗，而 habit主要指个人习惯。例如：
It is difficult to get used to another country’s customs.要适应另一个国家的风俗是困难的。
If you visit a place, you should follow the customs there. 如果你参观一个地方，你就应该遵守那里的风俗。
to have habit of smoking during meals有吃饭时吸烟的习惯
to change customs and habits 移风易俗
It is not easy to break off a bad habit. 要改掉一个坏习惯不容易。
It's a good habit to go for a walk after supper. 晚饭后散步是个好习惯。
6. Dinner starts with a small dish, which is often called a starter.
Rules
start with以...开始
The speech starts with a question. 演讲是以一个问题开始的
call: 称为，叫做；命名。call 在表示这些意思时要接复合宾语。例如
Everyone called him a coward.大家都称他是胆小鬼。
Mark Twin was called a writer who understood boys.马克.吐温被称为了解男孩子们的作家。
He called himself an architect.他把他自己叫做建筑师。
They called the baby Helen after their beloved teacher.他们以他们敬爱的老师的名字海伦为他们的婴孩命名
7. Some people pray before they start eating, and other people may keep silent for a moment.
Rules
pray: vi. “祈祷; 祈求”例如：
She prayed silently. 她默默地祈祷。
We're praying for a fine day.我们祈求好天气。
8. The next dish is the main course
Rules
course: n. “一道菜; 过程, 经过, 进程; 路线; 课程” of course “当然” in(during ) the course of “在……期间；在…… 之中” 例如
They had three courses: soup, meat and vegetables, and fruit. 他们有三道菜：汤、肉和蔬菜，还有水果。
the course of discussion 讨论的过程
The ship was blown off course. 那船被吹离航线。
Our school offers different courses. 我们学校开设各种各样的课程。
9. It is polite to finish eating everything on your plate, so don’t take more food than you need.
Quiz
(1) The mother asked her daughter not to delay ________ the paper.
A. handing in B. to hand in C. hand in D. having handed in
(2) He didn’t seem to mind ________ TV while he was trying to study.
A. them to watch B. that they watch C. their watching D. watching
(3) They don’t allow __________in the reading-room.
A. to talk B. talked C. talking D. us talking
Rules
(1) it 在本句中充当形式主语,代表后面的真正主语不定式短语to finish eating everything on your plate。it 作形式主语时，常代表不定式短语、-ing短语或者主语从句。例如：
It is important for the middle school students to learn a foreign language well. 中学生学好一门外语是重要的。
It is difficult for the children to rebuild such a bridge in so short a time. 孩子们在这么短的时间内重建这样一座桥是困难的。
It is no good wasting time here. 在这里浪费时间毫无益处。
It is no use talking to such a person like him. 与他那样的人谈没用。
It is said that Asia Pacific City Summit will be held in Chongqing this October. 据说亚太市长峰会将于十月在重庆召开。
It is hoped that the Chinese team will win more gold medals in 2008 Olympic games.人们希望中国队在2008奥运会上取得更多金牌。
(2) finish 之后要用 动词-ing形式作宾语。类似的动词还有 advise, allow, avoid, consider, delay, enjoy, excuse, keep, mind, miss, pardon, permit, require, stop, can’t help, give up, leave off, keep on, put off等。例如：
Would you mind opening the window? 你介意把窗户打开吗？
The students keep practicing speaking English.这些学生坚持练习说英语。
I suggest going for a walk every evening. 我建议每天晚上去散步。
10. When drinking to someone’s health, you raise your glasses, but the glasses should not touch.
Quiz
(1) The sun __ _ in the east.
A. raises B. rises C. is raise D. is risen
(2) Our community __ _ money for the victims of the plane accident.
A. is rising B. is raising C. rose D. collecting
Rules
(1) drink to sb/sth.: express good wishes to sb. / sth. by drinking (a toast) 向某人（为某事）祝酒。类似的用法也可用 drink one’s health 或者drink a health to sb “向某人祝酒”。例如：
drink to one’s health ( happiness, prosperity, etc) 为某人健康、幸福、成功等干杯
Let’s drink to the success of your plan. 让我们为你的计划成功干杯。
(2) raise 和rise 的用法区别：raise：vt. “抬高, 举起, 升起, 提高；饲养；筹集, 提出” rise: vi. “升起, 上升；起身； 发源” 例如：
He raised his arms above his head. 他把手臂举过头顶。
to raise salaries 提高工资
to raise the rent 提高租金
to raise a family 供养一家人
The students wanted to raise some money to protect the wild animals. 学生们想筹一些钱来保护野生动物。
The student raised a very good question about the importance of security in the big cities. 学生们提出了一个很好的问题，是关于大城市治安问题的重要性的。
The sun rose at seven o'clock. 太阳七点钟升起。
New buildings are rising in the city. 城市里新的高楼大厦不断地被建起来
The river rises every spring. 每年春天河水都要上涨
Prices have risen steadily during the past decade. 过去十年间物价一直在上涨。
He rose to an important position in the company. 他在公司升迁到了一个重要职位。
rose at dawn. 天亮时就起床了
The river Rhine rises in Switzerland. 莱茵河发源于瑞士。
11. Table manners change over time. 餐桌礼貌会随着时间而变迁。
Quiz
They had a pleasant chat ___________ a cup of tea.
A. for B. with C. during D. over
Rules
over: prep. “贯穿，在……期间”。表示时间流逝。例如：
over time: 随着时间的过去
They discussed it over lunch. 他们吃午饭时商议了这件事。
Over the next few days they got to know the town well. 在随后的几天里他们就很了解那座城市了。
Over time, many agricultural techniques have been modernized. 随着时间的推移，许多农业技术实现了现代化。
Why do newspapers turn yellow over time? 随着时间的过去报纸为什么会变黄呢？
How has pollution developed or changed over time? 随着时间的推移污染是怎样发展和变化的。
12. They follow the fashion of the day.
Rules
follow: vt. 跟随, 追随; 沿...而行; 理解, 遵循; 从事; 注视。
The children followed their mother into the room. 孩子们跟着母亲进了房间。
We followed the road to the top of the hill. 我们沿着这条路走到了小山顶。
I didn't follow his line of reasoning. 我不明白他的推理方法。
The soldiers must follow the officer's orders. 士兵们必须执行军官的命令。
Please follow the instructions on the packet when you take the drug. 吃药时请按照包装上的说明去服用。
Will you follow my advice? 你会听我的忠告吗？
He follows the trade of baker. 他从事烤面包行业。
We shall follow closely the latest advance of the subject in the world. 我们将密切注意世界上这一课题的最新进展。
as follows 如下
The results are as follows... 结果如下…
13. Besides, table manners are only important at formal dinner parties.
Rules
besides: adv. 此外prep. 除...之外
I don't want to come out now, and besides, I must work. 我现在不想出去，而且我还得工作。
Besides English, he has to study German. 除了英语, 他还要学德语。
Besides milk and cheese, we need vegetables. 除了牛奶和干酪外，我们还需要蔬菜。
besides 和except都含“除...外”的意思。besides指“除...外, 另外还有”, 着重“另外还有”。 如:
I have five other books besides this. 除这本以外, 我还有五本别的书。
except的含意是“从整体里减去一部分”, 因为“所说的道理或事实不能适用于那部分”, 着重于“排除在外”, 如:
We all went there except Xiao Li. 除了小李以外, 我们都到那儿去了。
14. Although good manners always make you look good, you do not need to worry about all these rules while having dinners with your friends or family.
Rules
make: “使……做某事; 使……成为；使……怎样” 常用下列结构：
a. make sb. + do sth.: 表示“使某人做某事”，做宾语补足语的不定式不能带to。但是如果make 用于被动语态则要在不定式前恢复to。例如：
Can you make the horse go? 你能赶走这匹马吗?
My parents make me get up early in the morning. 早上家长让我们早起。
We were made to work all night. 我们被迫工作了整整一夜。
b. make sb. / sth. + 名词: 表示“使某人某物作为……”。
We made her our group leader. 我们让她当我们组长。
They made him chairman of the committee.他们推举他为委员会主席。
c. make sb. /sth. + 形容词: 表示“使某人或某物怎样”。例如：
The news made her happy. 这消息使他高兴。
His words will make her angry. 他的话会使他生气。
d. make sb. /sth. +过去分词: 表示“使某人或某物被知道、懂得、听清等”。这种结构中的sb.或sth. 为过去分词动作的承受者。例如：
Can you make yourself understood in English? 你说英语别人听得懂吗？
You’d better make your plan known. 你最好让你的计划为人所知。
e. make it +形容词+ that 从句: 这一结构中it 是形式宾语，代替后面的that从举。例如：
I have made it clear that we’ll make up for the lost time. 我已经说得很明白，我们将把失去的时间补回来。
f. make it +形容词+不定式: 这一结构中it 是形式宾语，代替后面的不定式。例如：
The fine weather makes it possible for us to go out. 好天气使我们外出成为可能。
The heavy rain makes it difficult for them to finish the work on time. 大雨使他们很难按时完成工作。
15. 定语从句（3）
Quiz
(1) The famous basketball star, ________ tried to make a comeback, attracted a lot of attention.
A. where B. when C. which D. who
(2) Dorothy was always speaking highly of her role in the play, ________, of course, made the others unhappy.
A. who B. which C. this D. what
(3) Carol said the work would be down by October, _________ personally I doubt very much.
A. it B. that C. when D. which
(4) __________ is known to everybody, the moon travels round the earth once every month.
A. It B. As C. That D. What
(5) These houses are sold at such a low price ________ people expected.
A. like B. as C. that D. which
(6) ___________ is mentioned above, the number of the students in senior high schools is increasing.
A. Which B. As C. That D. It
(7) Recently I bought an ancient Chinese vase, __________ was very reasonable.
A. which price B. the price of which C. its price D. the price of whose
(8) York, ___________ last year, is a nice old city.
A. that I visited B. which I visited C. where I visited D. in which I visited
(9) In each house there is a family group of men, ________ are related to each other.
A. all who B. all C. of whom D. all of whom
(10) Such things __________ you described are rare now.
A. as B. who C. that D. which
Rules
1. 限制性定语从句和非限制性定语从句
英语中定语从句分为限制性定语从句和非限制性定语从句。限制性定语从句对先行词起限定和确定作用，是句子不可缺少的修饰成分，如果去掉，主句的意思就不完整或失去意义，这种从句与主句的关系十分密切，书写时不能用逗号分开。非限制性定语从句是对先行词起补充说明作用，如果去掉，主句的意思仍然清楚，主句也能独立表意，这种从句与主句的关系比较松散，从句和主句之间常用逗号分开。试比较两种从句的不同之处。
A plane is a machine that can fly. (限制性定语从句)
The plane, which we took from Chongqing to Hainan, was bought from the USA. (非限制性定语从句)
2. 非限制性定语从句常用于下列场合
（1）先行词为独一无二的事物。例如：
Our school has a library, which was built ten years ago. 我们学校有一个图书馆，那是十年前修的。（暗示我们学校只有一个图书馆。）试比较：
Our school has a library which was built ten years ago. 我们学校有一个十年前修的图书馆。(暗示我们学校可能还有其它图书馆。)
（2）先行词为专有名词。此时先行词已经具有特殊性，不需要再限定。例如：
Chongqing, which is developing rapidly, is sure to be more attractive than before. 重庆肯定比以前更具有吸引力了，这个城市发展得很快。
The Great Wall, which is called in Chinese “Ten-Thousand Li Great Wall”, is actually more
than 6, 000 kilometers long. 长城实际上有六千多公里长，在中国它被叫做“万里长城”。
（3）先行词被指示代词或人称代词所修饰时。例如：
This is her dictionary, which was given her as a birthday present. 这是她的词典，是作为生日礼物送给她的。
Please give this letter to that man, who is talking to your father. 请把这封信交给那个人，他在和你的爸爸说话。
（4）当先行词是整个主句时。例如：
He was late for school again, which made his teacher angry. 他上学又迟到了，这让老师很生气。
He won the first prize, as everyone expected. 正如大家所料，他得了一等奖。
（5）说明先行词的部分情况时。例如：
The old lady, all of whose children had been killed in the war, was given help by the local government. 那位老太太受到了当地政府的帮助，她的全部孩子都在战争中死了。
Recently my father bought a Chinese painting, the price of which was very reasonable. 最近我爸爸买了一幅中国画，价格很合理。
3. 非限制性定语从句中关系词的使用
和限制性定语从句一样，非限制性定语从句也要由关系代词或关系副词引导。关系代词who, whom, whose, which ,as (在非限制性定语从句中不能使用that)在从句中充当主语或宾语，关系副词when, where在从句中充当状语。
(1) 先行词是人时，关系代词作主语用who，作宾语用whom。例如：
This morning I met with Mr Smith, who gave us a talk about the education system in the USA last year. 今天上午我碰到史密斯先生了，他去年给我们做了一个关于美国教育体制的报告。
Miss Howe, whom you met at the airport, is from America. 豪小姐是美国人，你在机场见过她。
（2）先行词是物时，用关系代词which在从句中做主语或者宾语。例如：
Yesterday we visited a car factory, which was built last year. 昨天我们参观了一家汽车制造厂，那家厂是去年建的。
The city, which I visited when I was a child, has changed greatly. 这座城市变化很大，我是小孩的时候来过。
(3) 不管是先行词人或者物，要表示其某一方面的情况时用关系代词whose做定语。例如：
The children often go to help Granny Chen, whose children were killed in the war. 孩子们常常去帮助陈奶奶，她的孩子在战争中死了。
A sheep is a useful animal, whose wool has many uses. 羊是一种有用的动物，它的毛有许多用途。
（4）在介词之后用which, whom 的情况。例如：
I have many friends, some of whom are artists. 我有很多朋友，其中一些是艺术家。
In that supermarket on sale is a new type of computer, the low price of which makes it attractive to the students from poor family. 那家超市有一种新型电脑在打特价，其低廉的价格对家庭收入不高的学生很有吸引力。
(5) 当整个主句做先行词时，用关系代词which或as。which引导的非限制性定语从句只能放在主句的后面，as引导的非限制性定语从句既可在主句前也可在主句后。但是as有“正如”的意思。例如：
He didn’t attend the lecture, which made us all unhappy. 他没有出席这次演讲， 这使我们都不高兴。
As we know (as is known to all), English is widely used. 众所周知，英语运用得非常广泛。
She has been late again, as was expected. 正如所预料的一样，她又迟到了。
（6）当关系词在非限制性定语从句中充当状语时，表时间用when,表地点用where。例如：
His grandfather was born in 1949, when the People’s Republic of China was founded. 他的祖父出生于1949年，那年中华人民共和国成立。
We will be shown around the city: schools, museums, and some other places, where other visitors seldom go. 我们将被带去参观这个城市的学校，博物馆和一些其它地方，都是别的游客很少去的。
Just Read! （拓展篇）
What ARE Good Manners?
by Susan Dunn
Interesting question, isn't it? In the Age of Rudeness, we may be losing touch with what
etiquette and good manners are all about. In fact there may be those among us who haven't experienced it. According to a recent survey, more than 50% of Americans are concerned about the growing rudeness in the U. S.
We assault each other more all the time with upsetting noises, sights, sounds, smells, and attitude. It's getting to where we need to protect ourselves from one another! Maybe it's getting a little too wild out there.
Good manners are, first of all, civilized behavior. That's as opposed to wild behavior. "He acts like he was raised in a barnyard," my mother would say, about some hapless boy who pulled up in front of my house for a date and just sat in the car and honked.
Whether that was a particular rule in your household, or culture, all cultures have "rules" and they are learned, not innate. It Italy it's good manners for a man to greet another man with an embrace and a kiss on each cheek. Not so in South Texas, where men stand 3 feet apart and at 90 degree angles to converse with one another.
All cultures have rules and if you violate them, you'll be excluded. Excluded from what? Well, what we all want more of now - to be where the polite and pleasant people are. Yes?
Emily Post, the Diva of Etiquette, by virtue of her book of the same name, "Etiquette" ( http://www.bartleby.com/95/7.html ) defined this certain set of people as "Best Society."
"Best Society," she wrote, "is not confined to any one place or group, but might be better described as an unlimited brotherhood which spreads over the entire surface of the globe, the members of which are invariably people of cultivation and worldly knowledge, who have not only perfect manners but a perfect manner."
"Cultivated," you see, as opposed to "wild" or "weed-ridden" or "out of control".
"Manners" she says, "are made up of trivialities of deportment which can be easily learned if one does not happen to know them." "Manner," on the other hand, "is personality - the outward manifestation of one's innate character and attitude toward life."
Manners must be really ingrained; a matter of who you are, not how you are. The attitude must be without thinking, but the particulars require great thought. It's always easier to revert to the feral state. Ask the cat!
Miss Post suggests that once we've learned it, etiquette becomes - to those of the Best Society - "a matter of instinct rather than of conscious obedience."
There are those among us who still blurt out "thank you," "you're welcome," "excuse me," and "May I?" But there are a lot more among us who don't!
Good manners and etiquette are based on a concept that's somewhat in disfavor today - being selfless. "Unconsciousness of self," says Miss Post, "is the mental ability to extinguish all thought of one's self - exactly as one turns out the light. Hmmm. You mean put the other fellow first occasionally? Now there's a novel idea.
And so "one" - that would be you and I - one does not burp because it feels good, acting as if no one else was there; or elbow through the queue, because WE are in a hurry and WE matter most; or talk about our sex lives on cell phones in restaurants as if others would find it interesting; or shout profanity and throw tantrums because we're entitled to our anger, to indulge it and to "let it all hang out," as if it didn't stress the listener as much as it stresses us. (Second-hand hostility is as dangerous to our health as second-hand smoke!)
No, in fact manners is about letting it all hang IN. Keeping some things inside, quiet, and to oneself, turning down the volume, slowing down the pace, out of consideration for the other. Allowing the other person some comfort, some space, some peace.
"A bore," says Miss Post, "is said to be 'one who talks about himself when you want to talk about yourself!' which is superficially true enough," she adds, "but a bore might more accurately be described as one who is interested in what does not interest you, and insists that you share his enthusiasm, in spite of your disinclination."
Boring others, then, is an act of rudeness (and one of my least favorites), because there is no thought given to the interests or comfort of the other.
"Nearly all the faults or mistakes in conversation," says Miss Post, "are caused by not thinking." Ah hah! Or by thinking only of oneself.
"A first rule for behavior in society," she continues, "is: 'Try to do and say those things only which will be agreeable to others."
How far away from this we have gotten!
So, to have good manners we must learn the actions - the "trivialities of deportment" - and then stop and think when we're with others. Then we can avoid being tactless. ".[Y] ou must not talk about the unattractiveness of old age to the elderly, about the joys of dancing and skating to the lame, or about the advantages of ancestry to the self-made," says Miss Post.
Avoiding being rude, has a lot to do with Emotional Intelligence which, like good manners, can be learned. EQ requires self-awareness and empathy - the ability to understand how your behavior affects others (and their feelings). It requires a strong interface between emotions and thinking.
Blurting out the first thing on your mind ("What an ugly dress!) is rarely the tactful thing to do. To be considerate of others takes Intentionality - intending to treat others well, and exercising the self-discipline to do it. You might lower your voice, you know, steer the subject away from unpleasant things, cover your mouth when you cough ..
It's easier to be rude. If you don't believe this, watch two children at play. They will revert to the lowest level. It's easier to scream, stomp, grab, jabber, be messy and disorderly, and scratch where and when it itches, than to stop and think about what you're doing, take others into consideration, and act accordingly.
It's harder to be polite. Of course you'd rather boom your boom box and enjoy your music regardless of others; have a tantrum when you've been angered; turn the lights on when you come to bed though your spouse is sound asleep; ignore the customer because it's all such a chore, you know, working; or perhaps even hit someone who annoys you. These are the easiest things to do, and the most mindlessly satisfying, because you can indulge yourself with no thought for others.
But what happens when everyone behaves that way? Then we have a rudeness epidemic. And how will we change that? One person at a time! As Mother Teresa said, when the house is dirty don't complain or call a committee, pick up a broom and start sweeping.
Have Fun! （趣味篇）
Don't eat one of those
Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC.
A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag.
The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: 'I wouldn't eat that if I were you.'
'Why not?' replied the curious brother
'I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.'
Answers to quiz
1. (1) A (2) C
2. (1) B (2) C
3. (1) C (2) B (3) B
5. (1) B (2) D (3) C
9. (1) A (2) C (3) C
10. (1) B (2) B
11. D
15. (1) D (2) B (3) D (4) B (5) B (6) B (7) B (8) B (9) D (10) A